Hot Topics (to the theme of Hot Pockets) {1}

It's been a long while since I have posted.  It hasn't been for lack of material, but lack of will.  I sat down at the computer a number of times with a quick anecdote, or silly kid story, but I just didn't feel like writing.  I'm not depressed, or even in a funk, but my mind just feels heavier than usual.  I've had a number of "bigger" topics on my mind, so I decided to share them, and to ask your advice.  Though I'm not really sure any one reads this except my family and a couple friends, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  

Hot Topic {1} - Identity

Reading The Prince's Poison Cup - R.C. Sproul

At the end of last month and the beginning of this month I was in Charlotte with my kindred cousins.  It was my first trip alone, since being married.  I have always taken at least a couple kids when I have traveled without Greg, and that has only happened twice.  It was a wonderful and relaxing trip!  Many nights staying up past our bedtime giggling like 12 year olds.  But even though the trip was a blast, I felt strangely out of place.  It wasn't my cousins.  I always feel comfortable with them, but it was the lack of small people about me.  I didn't know what to do with myself without the constant busyness of mom life.  I became awkwardly chatty and self conscious about silly things.  I didn't remember how to just be, or sit, or be still in my own skin.  I didn't realize how fully my identity is wrapped up, not only in my husband and children, but in all the busy work that *needs* to be done around the home.  And I don't know about you, but I don't want any part of my identity wrapped up in dirty dishes or poopy diapers!  

My identity should be found in Christ.   And if you had asked me before the trip I would have felt fairly confident that it was, but it's not.  So how does one do that?  How can I be just as much myself at home as somewhere else?  How can I be the same person I am at church as I am in Target?  Or how about when friends are over verses when I am alone?  

So my question for all of you...How do you maintain an identity in Christ while still fully operating in the season that He has placed you in?  He is my passion and my pursuit, and yet He is so easily forgotten when I have a stack of papers to grade, or children whining at my feet.  And I am wanting more...more of Him...less of me!

You Cannot Lose My Love

When my day started with an incident involving a rainbow assortment of Sharpees and a maze of serger thread, I knew I was going to need take my focus off the storm and set my gaze upon Christ.  A verse and a song immediately came to mind.  (Okay not immediately, strangling the guilty parties came to mind first.) 

This song has been running through my head for days now.  And knowing that my love for my children needs to be a refection of God's love for me it means that much more.

You cannot Lose My Love - Sarah Groves

You will lose your baby teeth.

At times, you'll lose your faith in me.

You will lose a lot of things,

But you cannot lose my love.

You may lose your appetite,

Your guiding sense of wrong and right.

You may lose your will to fight,

But you cannot lose my love.

You will lose your confidence.

In times of trial, your common sense.

You may lose your innocence,

But you cannot lose my love.

Many things can be misplaced;

Your very memories be erased.

No matter what the time or space,

You cannot lose my love.

You cannot lose,

You cannot lose,

You cannot lose my love.

Time Theives!

thief

   [theef]  Show IPA

–noun, plural thieves.

a person who steals, esp. secretly or without open force; oneguilty of theft or larceny.

I'm sure you have all been here before.  You decide what you want to accomplish during the day, you may even write it down and then just as you are about to get to it, the phone calls start, the kids start pestering, the baby is crying, the dryer is buzzing, is that really someone at the door, and *Poof* your day is gone.  You are exhausted. And, lucky you, you get to do all again tomorrow.  

When I think about my past few days, this is the image that comes to mind, but if I were completely honest, my days probably went a little more like this.  


I wake up early, but decide to hit the snooze, 4, 5, 6 times.  I drag my self out of bed only to hear that the kids are already up.  I bark at them to get their chores done while I look for my bible and a cup of of decaf (Don't tell my brain it doesn't know it's unleaded).  I park myself on the couch and *bing* "Ooh an e-mail".  I fully intend to check just that one e-mail (it may be something super important), but then I spend the next 15-20 minutes reading and replying to various e-mails that most certainly could have waited until later.  I then, once again, have to find my bible.  I sit down and begin to read.  Then, after a couple thousand interruptions, I finish.  I help the kids with math, spelling, reading..., change a couple loads of laundry, and try to keep the boys occupied.  I ignore three phone calls. (Score one for me) Time for lunch. I remember this great recipe, on AllRecipes, and decide to make that for lunch, but as I'm waiting for the recipe to print, I decide to check out a friends blog, or two, or three.  This inspires me to write something of my own.  I'll definitely have to do that later.  Thirty minutes pass, the kids are whining because they are hungry and I still have to make lunch (So demanding).  


After lunch, naps.  I put everyone down, Micaiah 4 or 5 times, and then start on my chores.  But I don't really feel like doing my chores, my chores are boring and seemingly pointless.  What don't bathrooms ever stay clean.  I decide that I need some music to motivate me.  On my way to find music I pass the phone.  Another hour and half gone.  I do get a room or two vacuumed and the bathroom cleaned, but then it's time to start dinner.  Back to the computer for another recipe, a few more blogs, and a couple e-mails, a "quick" look on facebook to see what everyone I've ever met in my life is doing. 


I'm sure by now you have the picture, slightly exaggerated, but not by much.  It's me that fills my day with nonsense, it's not everyone else putting their demands on my time.  It's my lack of self-discipline and my stinky attitude that makes me feel like I am always one step behind.  


So with this in mind I sat down to write out my top 3 Time Thieves and Solutions.


Thief 1:


Sleep:  I adore sleep! And I am not one of those people that functions well without it.  However, I am also a self-professed night owl.  I go to bed very, very, late, and then can't figure out why I can't seem to get up before the kids in the morning without falling asleep in my oatmeal.  


Solution:  Go to bed earlier.  Sounds easy enough, but it will be brutal for me.  I have a million and one justifications for why I need to stay up late. Much prayer and self-discipline with be going into this one.


Thief 2:


Computer:  I have the attention span of a gnat, and the internet is perfect for that. (hee, that rhymed).  


Solution:  I have already gone on a facebook break and am trying to figure out a more permanent solution.  I am also trying to be more intentional about the e-mails that I read and reply to.  If it says FW in the message line of an e-mail, it gets deleted. This may sound a bit harsh, but I greatly value the friendships I have made through blogging and e-mail and want to make those a priority, and not the facebook stalking and silly forwards. If it is a personal e-mail, I just need to wait until I have free time to reply.  For everything else (including phone time), a timer is going to be set.  I too easily lose track of time when given free reign.  


Thief 3:


Attitude:  This one is the sneakiest of the my 3 Time Thieves.  Of course, it wouldn't be a thief it it announced itself at my door and said "Hello, I'm a Thief, I'd like to come in and steal from you."  Attitudes that steal my time are usually of the pouting and whining variety.  If I don't really want to do something that I know I need to do, it takes so much longer when I am grumping about it, that if I just did it.  Like pulling a band-aid of a toddler.


Solution:  The Lord.  I can't accomplish any of these on my own, and changing my attitude is no different.  Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do work heartily as for the Lord, and not for men.


So now that we all just got that much closer, maybe you would like to share some of your Time Thieves?  Or maybe you have something else you should be doing. *wink*

Priorities

Why is it that whenever I determine to blog more, my life becomes so busy I can't even think, much less blog?  Or when I try to carve out a little time for myself, or to catch up with friends, or have an entire conversation in one sitting with my husband that everything else falls apart?  I used to wish for more hours in the day, but then I realized I would cram those just as full as the hours I have now.  I don't need more hours, I just need to do less stuff.

So I sat down with a little notebook and asked these questions of myself.  (Some of the ideas came from Revive our Hearts daily podcast.)

1.  What season am I in?  Is it time to learn or teach, is it time to cry or laugh, is it time to keep or throw away, is time to tear down or build...?  And what do these mean in my life?

2.  What are God's priorities for me in this season?

3.  What things merely loudly call for my attention and what things are truly important?

I have to admit.  These were extremely difficult to answer, because they aren't as black and white as they seem.  The line between teaching and learning is often fuzzy, sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time, but it is still a good starting place.

My list ended up looking something like this.

Priorities for My Home:

Priority #1.  Matt. 6:33-34 - Serve the Lord with all I've got! (mind, body, spirit)  - For me this means meeting Him in His Word first thing in my day, and then also carving out some time to be alone with Him in prayer.  The latter one is much tricker for me.  I don't even get to go to the bathroom alone these days.  But it is possible, it just takes some creativity.  Yesterday got down on my knees in the shower while I was waiting for my conditioner to, um, condition and spent the most wonderful 5 minutes with the Lord.  I also pray as I work, but the alone time is so necessary.

Priority #2.  Proverbs 31:11 - Serve and love my husband.  This one is tricky, not because my husband is so unlovable (though aren't we all sometimes), but because I have a tendency to try and place him at priority #1 instead of #2.  I don't know if you have ever done that, but it doesn't usually end well.  A while back I was really frustrated with Greg, no matter what he did for me (and it is a lot), it was never enough.  I finally realized that I was putting him in God's position of #1 and he just wasn't capable of doing that job.  Imagine that.  So we now affectionately refer to one another as "#2" or "Second Best".  

Priority #3. Deut. 6:5-9 - Care for and train my children.  I truly believe that "Mother" isn't just my title, but it is my calling.  I always wanted to be in full time ministry, and now I am. (Is there such thing as more than full time?)  Of course, this is easy to say, but hard to put into practice.  I like to check things off a list and get thing accomplished, and I may never see what my efforts are producing in my children.

Priority #4. Prov. 31:27 -  Keep my Home.  This is also a hard one for me.  It isn't just cleaning, cooking, laundering, fixing, scheduling... but also making our home a haven and a place of rest for all who enter.  It's being hospitable and trying to bless others with what God has loaned to us.  It's just hard for me to remember that this is 4th on my list and not 2nd or 3rd.  I so often hear myself telling the kids "Just a minute, let me finish this first."  A friend of mine with grown children gave me some wonderful advice when my oldest was little, she said "Teach them to do what you are doing, while you are doing it, you will be so glad that you did."  It takes a lot longer to teach while I do, but it's good for me and them.

These are only my top 4 and my entire day could be filled with these alone.  However, I still have church ministry, friends, e-mails, phone calls, blogging, exercise, sleep and *gasp* maybe even some free time to fit onto my plate.  So next time I will be blogging about "Time Robbers" and how to identify them.  Until then, how do you order your days so that the first things remain first?

Shouting at the Piles

With four little ones and a large & very hairy dog, I've spent what seems like half of my lifetime sweeping our floors.  I have a system when I sweep, it's not perfect, but it's mine.   I do the edges first, then the open areas, then under the tables and chairs, kitchen, dining room, living room, all the while leaving little piles of debris here and there.  I then use a dustpan to finish the job.  Sadly it's at this juncture that my system usually falls apart.  (For those of you with a toddler, this may sound familiar.)  Zayin loves these disgusting, yet potential filled piles.  And he has made it his goal to leave no unattended pile unturned.  When he hears me pull out the broom he gleefully runs over to my piles kicking and batting at them sending dirt, hair, and crumbs flying in all directions.  Yuck.

Since I don't want to have my precious piles sent back into all the nooks and crannies of my kitchen I have been dutifully working with him on this habit. The first couple of times he completely ignored me.  I continued to train.   The next few times he gently told himself "no, no" and then went right ahead and...blam-o! - Dirt everywhere.  Grrr.

This morning as I was sweeping and checking my piles over my shoulder (There is a reason we call him "Ninja" - he's very stealth.) I see Zayin toddling up getting ready for his morning ritual.  He comes running right up to the pile and squats down (I stay back waiting to see what he will do).  Then to my surprise instead of playing in the pile he starting yelling and shaking his chubby little fingers at it.  (I am cracking up at this point.)  There he was hovering just inches over the dirt and shouting "NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!"  He did this over and over until I wondered if he might pass out.  He then got up, sighed and walked away.  He had finally conquered his temptation.  And once again I learn a life lesson from my children.

Though a very humorous analogy it reminded me of one of Jonathan Edwards resolutions.

#56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

For little Zay this was a very big fight, with a very big temptation and though he was unsuccessful before, he kept at it until he was able to overcome.  His spunk has inspired me to "never give over", but to continue to "shout at my dust piles" "however unsuccessful I may be, knowing that God will always provide me a way of escape.

1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 

Remember

For those of you that know me, or read either of my blogs, you know that 2010 has been a difficult year for me.  I feel as though in every area of my life I have been stripped bare, and then punched in the face... repeatedly.   As this is happening, the Lord has been exposing things in me that I really did not want to know about myself, much less allow other people to see.  Like most people I do not particularly enjoy having all my faults on display.  Unfortunately, this year, I just had to get used to it.

2010 has been a year of failures, grief, anger, impatience, sorrow, trials, confusion, turmoil, and amazingly...sweetness.

The Lord has been showing me that I really do have reasons to thank Him in every circumstance, I can cling to Him when I have no one else to turn to (and even when I do), I can have peace everlasting in the midst of a hurricane, and though life is often bitter, His is always sweet.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am no where near being able to live in this place of contentment and surrender all the time, this is my goal, I am still a loooooong way off.  I've found that I have some sort of spiritual short term memory loss.  The Lord shows me something wonderful (or something I need to work on), I see it, I admire it, I forget it - on with my day, on with my life.

I want to remember...I just...don't.  I want to remember the beautiful things, the hard things, the lessons, and everything in between.  More than that  - I NEED to remember!  If I don't remember I am left unchanged, untrusting, and afraid to leave the comfort of my own self preservation.  (This is not a pretty place to be, but a place I am rather familiar with)

So starting now, I am purposing to remember.  And as I remember - to give thanks.  I also plan to write here more regularly, not just when things are going well, or when the kids do something funny, but also when I am struggling to keep it together, of when the Lord knock my socks off with something in His word.  I want to be able to look back remember (literally) at what the Lord is doing in my life and hopefully be an encouragement to others at the same time.

Now as I take my first tentative steps into this new year I am posting these verses both on my wall at home and here on the blog as a reminder to myself of where I am going and where I've been.  It's time for me to REMEMBER.

• 1 Chronicles 16:11-12 - Seek the LORD and His strength;  Seek His face continually.  Remember His wonderful deeds which He has done, His marvels and the judgements from His mouth,
• Psalm 111:2-4 - Great are the works of the Lord; They are studied by all who delight in them.  Splendid and majestic in His work, And His righteousness endures forever.  He has made His wonders to be remembered.  The Lord is gracious and compassionate.